Not finding social sector mentor, and building your own

Ten years ago I looked around in my career field and found no viable mentors. The people working at the higher levels of international disaster response organizations were dedicated, but many were stuck in unhealthy mental and physical patterns. Time spent  in places like Sudan, Liberia and Guinea meant that many were dealing with undiagnosed post traumatic stress disorder. Others were, like me at the time, struggling with ‘vicarious trauma’ (a documented condition where caregivers experience psychological trauma symptoms through work with those who actually experienced the events). Even those more senior potential mentors who did not suffer from these aid worker issues were often struggling in other ways. Smart and competent at a moderate level, these professionals lived carefully within certain boundaries designed to guarantee job security and bureaucratic stability within their organization of choice. 

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There is no doubt that a few healthy high performers existed and would have been open to a natural mentor framework. But at the time I was not prepared to do my part in that type of relationship. Without a clear life and work map, I did not have the vision and focus to do the self reflection and external search required to make such a relationship a reality. Or perhaps my work-orbit did not happen to include high performers who could have served that role. 

Not finding  (and not being ready for),a mentor stunted my professional development for a decade. I muddled through with mediocre and varying strategies in work and life. Burnout came and went at various points given my inability to rest and refresh my mental and physical reserves. This translated into months of ‘down time’ when I had to completely disconnect from professional work to recover.  My impact in that mediocre decade was less than optimal in my chosen social sector field of humanitarian response. My life outside of work was fortunate and good, but subconscious limiting scripts, fears, and lack of follow through held me back. 

Why a mentor matters
Having a mentor at any level of  professional life in the social sectors is a distinct advantage. The relationship enriches both participants. The mentee gains insight, guidance and tactics effective in that specific social sector context. The mentor reconnects with the issues of a younger generation and feels the glow of a new relationship and the good feelings of helping someone directly.
Here is how a mentor can help:

• A mentor can help you think through decisions. 
• A mentor can let you know when you are wrong. 
• A mentor can open your eyes to new ways of thinking and acting.

However as Ramit Sethi hilariously writes, most successful people do not want to mentor you. As Ramit points out, doing your preparatory homework in advance before reaching out to top performers increases your chances of building a relationship. 

Building your own perfect mentor. 
After developing the awareness of my own predicament, I began to research and learn about areas that were causing me pain.  My research on mindsets and strategies for life and work led me to build my own perfect mentor. This virtual mentor is a composite of philosophers, entrepreneurs, diplomats, writers and warriors. Over the centuries clear approaches emerge from the noise. I have been on a quest to identify these threads, untangle them and weave them into a coherent approach that work for the social sectors. This approach mirrors Napoleon Hill’s 1930s idea of a virtual ‘board of directors’ for learning an council. 
My ultimate and ‘composite virtual mentor has guidance on the following areas: 

• Mind: Stoic philosophy and deliberate practice and habit focus as an operating system for harsh environments. 
• Wealth: Financial independence through high savings and consistent investing. 
• Expression: Making some time for art. For me this means music and learning how to draw. 
• Connection: Having children, a spouse and friend / colleague network of people who love you and your work. 
• Athletics: Training for hard physical events. For me this is Triathlon and running and boardsports. 
• Expedition and Nature: Getting outside to ‘nature bathe’, traveling locally and globally to refresh and pique the mind. 

For a little fun when you are facing you next crisis at work, ask your imaginary perfect mentor: “what would Seneca the Stoic do”? Construct and follow his answer. 

The perfect real person mentor has not yet appeared in my life. I am probably ready to do the work and would not turn them away if they happen to appear.  In the meantime I am constructing my own perfect vital mentor and testing and perfecting these mindsets, strategies, and tactics to my Social Sector work and life. Everything in my work and life falls under these mentor categories.   
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Amidst all this virtual mentoring, of course I still spend a certain part of the time with Netflix and a big bowl of popcorn and on the occasional instagram binge, but you get the picture! Join me on the Social Sector Titan as I continue to build my virtual mentor, and consistently take action on this Avatar’s ideas. Why not start to build your own virtual mentor that works for you?

Happy Trails!